failure to thrive

I have debated posting this...heck, I even debated writing it at all, fearing the "PUBLISH POST" button at the bottom of the page would somehow make those words sting a bit more. It's a hard reality to face as a momma, and somehow not feel like it's all your fault. In between GI appointments and every 3 day weight checks at the pediatrician's office and those three words, it's hard to keep it together and not let your heart break a little. & I know I'm fighting fiercely to help my little one gain the weight she needs, but it's a hard truth to face and wonder if I was selfishly pushing nursing at the cost of her well-being.

It really seemed like it was going well, but they say the numbers on the scale don't lie. & although it's been taking a few more pushes to the right to balance that stick in the middle of the scale, I know it's not enough. The bright red dot that floats under all the curves on her growth chart scream "it's not enough" every time, and every time I sink into myself a bit more.

ps: since I originally wrote this, Emmie has graduated from her every 3 day visits at the pedi's office and we are awaiting a follow-up appointment with the GI in a few weeks.